Foolishness

Sometimes I do things I'm not proud of. I don't always know that I'm getting myself into these situations, but I know when it's over that it was a mistake. And often I feel like I'm all alone in searching for these things. Except, I'm not. We are all looking for the same things aren't we? Happiness. Joy. Satisfaction. Love. A greater purpose.

I feel like I fail at these things more than the average person.

People are the best and worst things that ever happen to me. I expect a lot out of myself. I expect myself to be held to my high standards and to honor my beliefs and to have my actions reflect that. I also hold others to these standards. Most usually do a better job than I do. Some fail miserably. And then when they fail I blame myself, like somehow I shouldn't have expected the best out of that person. Certainly I allow others to make mistakes - we wouldn't be human if we didn't. But some people make it a pattern, and I allow them to hurt me by expecting more.

I'm so grateful to many of the people I have in my life that are there for me to hangout, or have homemade pancakes, or eat junkfood, when I'm in a low. I feel like I have these friends and family all over Canada. To those friends, I'm sorry if I ever put you up to an unattainable standard.

Sometimes I do things I'm not proud of. Sorry to myself for failing to live up to those expections. Thank you to God for the grace that you've given me. You help me pick myself back up when things go wrong. You're love oh lord, reaches to the heavens. You're faithfulness, stretches to the sea.